[If you have not read my introduction yet please scroll down, I don't want anybody to come away with the idea that I am just a he man woman hater. I don't hate women by any stretch of the means. I love women very much and I want something similar to what they want. I call it equality, its the idea that neither sex is weaker but rather through our separate strengths we can make the most out of what this world has to offer.]
Unrealistic expectations are one of my daily opinions interjected into conversations about feminism. It is often deflected with a strategy that would seem to imply you can have your cake and eat it too. This is impossible and like it or not there are consequences for all of the things we do...
"I can dress however I want, I am a free woman and it is my right!"
Correct you are! However I have the right to be a complete asshole on the Internet, if I do so I will suffer the outcome of being made an outcast, I will be avoided in conversation and nobody will take me seriously.
Fashion has always been on the risque side of culture, it is and should be about the exploration of beauty to the human eye. Designers go to extreme lengths to make something nobody has every seen before and some of those garments push the envelope for what is acceptable in a prudish culture. Yes I say prudish because lets face it. Society has a double standard, while sex is glorified in every aspect there are taboos in fashion that still bother them. This in my eyes only applies in conversation when you take in account the amount of respect you are seeking from your audience. To put it simply, if you want to be treated like an educated adult you have to dress the part. This is not a male decree this is a social rule. I couldn't get a job on wall street dressed like a clown or a gangster thug and nobody can give a speech on human rights dressed in their 13 year old sister's clothes. Does this happen often? Well it all depends on your perception. I tend to take anyone I come across in day to day interaction seriously, and I think most conversation of any decent caliber happen in small groups or in coffee shops and everyday interaction. Every moment is a chance to change someones view on any topic so be prepared. I'm not saying everyone has to walk around in their finest apparel, my point is that you have an opportunity everyday and if you walk around in fashion unbecoming of moment it will bite you in the ass. This goes for males and females.
"Its not fair men can just wear jeans and a t-shirt."
This is a decent argument. Men's fashion has much less flare and beauty its very utilitarian and rightfully so. I can't claim to be a fashion expert but I would venture to guess that fashion is an evolving animal. While I don't foresee jeans and a t-shirt being a mainstream element for women's fashion I do see a shift to more "business casual" type fashion for everyday wear. I must profess a little bit of ignorance in this department so please by all means correct me if I'm wrong and add to the conversation with what you can.
Moving on...
How fashion is dangerous!!!
In my last post I briefly discussed my opinion on how we should deal with rapist, as with most things there are always two sides to a coin. While I will never condone, apologize for or except the despicable act of rape I feel that there is a huge gap in the feminist community regarding the prevention education for rape and other crimes.
How does this tie into fashion? Well I'm trying to branch out a little here, this isn't just a huge post about how women dress, its about unrealistic expectations.
Of course I'm going to be criticized for "victim blaming" if I dare insinuate that how women dress effects how a rapist may choose his victim.
Well... I hate to point out the title again, but...
Dressing very provocatively attracts attention. Admit or not that is the exact reason why women do it, problem is, it attracts all kinds of attention, some of which I don't think anybody wants. I am not repeating the whole "dress like a hooker get treated like one" argument. What I am saying is that while the whole rapist in the bushes waiting to strike thing is not done in the percentages your parents would have you believe, it does happen. Worse yet since rape most often is committed by someone you know you have to take that into account.
To be a responsible adult you must be an educated adult. While our public system is extremely lacking in most cases none more can be worse than the short falls in self defense and self preservation. Men and women of all ages and from all walks of life seem to think they can enjoy a blissful existence where everyone is sane and rational and we can worry about cat calls and woof whistles because there isn't really anything out there than can do us any real harm. WRONG!!! The feminist community does its members a huge disservice by not providing links and information on self defense and yet they love to point out that women are taught from birth to be in fear their whole lives.
So let me get this straight...
Feminist complain because women are taught to fear man but they don't have any resources or information provided to teach women how to use that fear to their advantage???
I'll give you all a quick lesson you can take to the bank.
For an assault to occur you have to have a few elements present.
Ability- The criminal must have the physical ability to commit the act.
Motivation- This should be self explanatory. Its the "why" in the case.
Opportunity- The time and place, person and atmosphere.
With just a look at three key elements lets talk about what you can and cannot control.
You cannot control who attacks you. Chances are the person in question has significant physical ability. In order for you to gain the upper hand, assuming you have exercised proper awareness and avoidance techniques, you must have a tool or tools at your disposal. This/these can consist of blunt objects, sharp objects, chemical aerosols, electrical devices or the greatest equalizer of them all a sidearm. Remember the human mind is the greatest resource you have and you should always be aware of your surroundings and what is going on around you. I cannot recommend this book enough but everyone should have a copy and should read it on an annual basis.
The Gift of Fear by: Gavin De Becker
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
Motivation:
I have heard people pour countless hours into discussing this part and the short answer is it doesn't matter. There are people in this world wired differently, they perceive this world in a light vastly different from our own. They view you and I as prey and will not think twice about harming, disfiguring or killing us. Yes these are the fringe criminals, but you have no way of telling them apart, they act and look exactly like us. You only find out when its too late and that isn't the time to take a class on how to deal with them.
Lastly we have opportunity:
Police studies have shown time and time again that most criminals will do a fair amount of research about their victims. So you have to perform an inventory of your habits and traits that lend themselves to being easy prey. This is where what you wear and how plays a role into whether or not you are selected. Carrying pepper spray, a tazer, a knife, or a firearm is going to require some effort on your part. Bright flashy color and skimpy outfits attract predators this is just a fact of life. Now does this mean you can never look your best? Absolutely not! Try and find ways to stay in groups on those occasions, have a designated person watching for trouble who may be have some or all of those things. The most important thing here to not offer someone the opportunity to attack you.
(This is a long post all on its own)
Life requires of us many things. We need food, shelter and clothing but all of those things do us no good if someone can just take them from us. Add more complicated variables into the mix and the need to take life seriously presents itself in a much graver light. Be honest with yourself and obtain the training and tools you need to stay safe out there.
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